


Until We Meet Again

by aliceslantern



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Babies, Canon Universe, M/M, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, Re:Mind - Freeform, Sort Of, Trans Character, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:42:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25425595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliceslantern/pseuds/aliceslantern
Summary: The last thing Ienzo expects is to fall in love during the war. Unfortunately, impulses are much harder to fight when one is human. But then Demyx disappears under mysterious circumstances... and leaves Ienzo in a wholly unexpected and indelicate situation. But how to deal with such a thing when he can barely deal with being human?
Relationships: Demyx/Ienzo (Kingdom Hearts), Demyx/Zexion (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 34





	1. Chapter 1

Ienzo couldn’t sleep.

It had been a long, draining day, the type of day that had taken twists and turns he didn’t think possible. Seeing Ansem again… after all this time… Ansem, Demyx, (unexpectedly betraying the Organization on Even’s orders? Even hadn’t abandoned them after all?) and a solution to the problem that had been puzzling him ever since he’d joined the side of light.

Yes. It had indeed been a long day. He was exhausted and, if he were honest with himself, cried out. He hadn’t thought he’d ever see Ansem again, much less have the opportunity to apologize. But seeing him had awoken the emotion behind those old memories, of Ansem’s supposed abandonment, days and weeks spent feeling sick and not good enough and doing  _ everything _ in his power to please Xehanort just to know his existence was not in vain.

But now Ienzo had a chance to fix things.

He sat up slowly. It was clear he was doing nothing but wasting time trying to sleep. He should at the very least  _ start _ analyzing the replica to help create another. Shakily, he stood and went to the kitchen to make himself some tea, only to find that someone else was there.

“Oh, heya, Zexion,” Demyx said cheerfully. Once Ienzo got past the unsettling gold color of his eyes, he noticed exhaustion in the other man, thick and pervasive. He was nursing what appeared to be coffee. 

“Please call me Ienzo,” he said softly. “I do not wish to hear that name if I don’t have to.”

“Ah--right. Sorry.” He cracked a small smile. “Hey, thanks again for letting me stay. Staying in the old castle really sucks now. No one to hang out with.”

“...I suppose.” He crossed over to the stove and put up the kettle. He considered Demyx, the way the soft light was hitting him. Demyx offered him a small smile; Ienzo’s heart stuttered. He thought about the way Zexion would sometimes think of him at odd moments, the shape of his mouth or the patter of his voice. Zexion had written these feelings off. Ienzo, on the other hand, did not know what they were; did he _want_ to know? “It is no problem at all. I should be thanking  _ you _ .”

Demyx snorted. “It was something to do, at least.”

Ienzo poured hot water into a mug and stuck a teabag into it. “So why’d you do it?”

“What? Bring you that doll?” He shrugged, and something in his eyes darkened a little. “Like I said, I was bored. Tired of benchwarming.”

“Since when did you want to voluntarily work?” Ienzo sat across from him. When was the last time they had talked? “What was in it for you?”

Demyx seemed struck; a second later, his face resumed the neutral placidity from earlier. He drummed his fingers along his mug; he wasn’t wearing his gloves. Ienzo had never actually seen his hands bare and found himself caught in their textures, how it might feel to have that hand touch his cheek--  _ no, stop that at once. _ “I, um.” For a second, Ienzo thought Demyx’s eyes were watering. “I guess I was wondering… if there was a way for you guys to… make me me again?” He bit his lip.

“To make you back into a human?” Ienzo cocked his head. “Why did you join them again, if you wanted humanity so badly?”

His face went blank for a moment, almost  _ morose _ . “I was alone,” he said softly. “I… had nowhere to go. I didn’t remember anything from my past--not even my name.” He offered a smile. “Xigbar was like, “we’ve got answers for you.” And I… I dunno. Even if they weren’t my friends, that was better than nothing. But what Xehanort’s doing… just rubs me the wrong way. More than the weird shit Xemnas used to do. Man, Larxene told me she thought Kingdom Hearts would destroy the whole world. She seemed happy about it, even.” Demyx bit his lip. “That’s just so wrong? Without the world… there’s no… music. So when Vexen asked me to do that for him… saying I could be the only one and all that… I just… something in me seemed to come back that had been gone for a while.”

“Your conscience?”

“A little piece of me that existed before Xemnas and Xehanort and all this.” He sighed heavily, waving a hand in the air. “Aw, now I’m talking your ear off.”

“No, I’m fascinated. Really. When I woke again, myself for the first time in twelve  _ years _ … I believe I felt the same way. Everything I’d fought so hard for seemed so… perverted. I had to do everything in my power to fix it.” He touched his chest.

“And now you’re a good guy.”

“A loaded term… but I am trying.” Ienzo smiled a little. “What will you do, then?”

“Dunno… Vexen told me to lie low, so I guess I will. Gotta get my shit together sometime.”

“Maybe there is a way to help you,” Ienzo said softly. “Once we complete the needed replicas… I will work on it.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why would you help me?” Again, that twitch of emotion.

Ienzo took a breath. “Frankly, the idea of a piece Xehanort, however small, existing within someone else is disturbing. Besides… I think we all deserve second chances.”

Demyx reached over and squeezed his hand; the touch was so sudden that it made Ienzo’s heart flip again, blood rushing to his face.  _ Why am I feeling this way? _ He felt as though he were meeting Demyx for the first time, everything he knew about him dissolving or proving false. A problem to solve. “Hey, Ienzo? Thanks.”

“...Any time.”

* * *

Sure enough, Ienzo found excuses to examine Demyx, to look into old research and see if there was a way to remove Xehanort’s heart. They might simply have to kill him, to get rid of his Nobody so his human self could be recompleted. But if he were, he would lose his ability to make dark corridors, and he would likely regain consciousness wherever he had been made a Nobody--either the Keyblade Graveyard, or the place of his original Nobody’s birth. At least they had the gummiphones, so he could theoretically be picked up and taken… wherever he wanted to go. Ienzo wondered where that may be.

It was Demyx’s choice to make; to trust in Ienzo’s theory, or just hope this whole situation would resolve itself. 

“Do you think it’d… I don’t know, take over me?” he asked Ienzo.

“I’m not sure--we can’t write off the possibility, though.”

He flinched. “I want it out of me.”

“I know you must. And I promise, once things settle down I will work on it.” He picked up a stethoscope from the table. They were in the old med bay so Ienzo could examine him. “Let me listen to you. I’m not sure how physical the piece of heart is. I’m not sure of anything, actually.”

Demyx chuckled a little. “What happened to Mr. Know-it-all?” 

The tone of his voice made Ienzo blush. He recalled times from the Organization when his tone would go serious, deep, the way it made Zexion’s insides feel fluttery, almost faint. That feeling was back and worse than ever, yet another thing to fight on top of his daily doses of guilt, shame, and regret. To feel something this positive and terrifying was strange, to put it lightly. “A ruse, and a poor one,” he stuttered at last. “Can you unzip the top of your coat a little?”

Demyx did so, revealing a thin t-shirt and the barest trace of toned chest. Ienzo willed his hands not to shake and put the earpieces in his ear, holding the cold medallion against Demyx’s heart. He swore he heard the other man’s pulse start a little, though, he figured, from the icy metal. “Did you know,” Demyx said softly, “that all rhythms go either with or against the human heartbeat?”

“No, I didn’t.” His hand was trembling. They were so  _ close _ together. “Though it’s not surprising.” Ienzo could  _ smell _ him, salt and ginger, and he tried to turn his mind back towards the task at hand. His own pulse was racing, making it hard to hear through the stethoscope.

“You’re all red,” Demyx said softly, reaching up to touch his face (Ienzo thought he might  _ faint _ ). “There’s something wrong with me, isn’t there? More than--you know?”

He cleared his throat. “It’s all a little… inconclusive. Excuse me, I’m tired.” He set the device aside. 

They were still so close together. “Then take a break,” Demyx said softly. “You must be exhausted--you only work like a million hours a day.”

He nodded. He couldn’t quite break eye contact, wishing nothing more than for the fact that Demyx were human and not a vessel and that he could get a grasp on these suddenly too-large feelings. “Quite… I…” He took a shaky breath. “I feel like we’re only just meeting.”

He laughed a little. “Nah,” he said. “I’m just not bullshitting you for once.”

“If you were like this all along… we could’ve…” Ienzo could  _ feel _ his breath. He knew he should walk away, fight this. But he was so  _ tired _ of fighting. “Been…”

“Let’s be now,” Demyx said, and kissed him.

It felt nothing like the experimental kisses he’d sought as Zexion, which had only happened through curiosity. It was warm, alive, sending a sweet shock through him; he kissed Demyx back, hard, letting his tongue into his mouth, drinking him in. He felt weak. Demyx pulled him closer, lacing his hands through Ienzo’s hair. Ienzo felt at the planes of his chest, the rare sensation of a body against his just making him so-- 

“Can we go somewhere?” Demyx asked. 

“Yes. Yes, I…” Nerves and anticipation flooded him, hot and cold, and he realized he wanted to see this through, if so to understand how humans felt about it all. 

He was just making excuses for himself at this point. 

“Come with me,” he said. He took Demyx’s hand and led him through the hallways back to his bedroom, locked it behind them. Demyx pulled him close and kissed him harder, trailing his hands down Ienzo’s back, and it shouldn’t have felt so  _ right _ to be in his arms, to let himself fall apart. Ienzo fumbled for the zipper of the cloak, tugging it down, then off, and feeling Demyx’s bare skin against his hands made him aware of the throbbing between his legs, bright and wanting and--

Demyx trailed down his jaw and throat, gently across Ienzo’s scar from his own death, slipping off his own jacket and shirt. “Is this all okay with you?” Demyx asked.

“Yes,” he admitted breathily. “I want--I want to--”

“Me too--”

Ienzo pulled off Demyx’s shirt, pressing his lips against his collarbone and hearing a soft, small moan. He thought he could see the outline of his-- “Come here.” He led him over to the bed, glad his room wasn’t a disaster area for once, half in disbelief he was about to sleep with  _ Demyx _ , of all people, but it felt so good to just let himself be impulsive for once. Demyx eased on top of him and tugged off his slacks. “Wait--I--”

“What’s wrong?”

A flush of humiliation broke his pleasure. “I… don’t exactly have a…” Self-consciousness invaded, and before he forced the word past his lips Demyx slid a hand between his legs.

“Oh,” he said softly.

“I should’ve… I don’t know… said something earlier, I--”

“I don’t care,” Demyx said equally. He began to rub at him, actually, through his underwear, and Ienzo gasped out loud. “As long as it works somehow.”

He nodded. “Then just… let me up for a moment…” The last thing he wanted to do was stop. “I just need to take something quickly…”

Demyx obeyed and laughed a little. “So there are no, uh, accidents?”

“Quite. I'm not even sure humans and Nobodies can conceive--but--” He was babbling. He retreated into his bathroom, seeking the little packet he’d kept in the rare instance he decided to do something like this. He found one of the little pills, swallowed it dry, flinching at the acrid taste. He caught sight of himself--flushed, sweaty, mostly naked--in the mirror and shook his head before returning to Demyx. 

Ienzo helped him out of his pants and felt at his dick through his underwear. Demyx moaned, a little less quietly. “I’ve wanted to do this with you forever.”

Ienzo exhaled sharply and then realized “I have too.” 

Demyx eased him back down all the way and slid off Ienzo’s underwear. Ienzo thought he could  _ hear _ his own heartbeat, fluid whooshing in his ears, a beat that was mirrored in his clit, warm and insistent. He wrapped his legs around Demyx’s waist and for a moment they just ground up against one another, heady and dizzy. “Can I…” Demyx mumbled, breaking away from a kiss, “Can I go down on you?”

“Yes. Yes.” He’d never felt like such a mess, but at the same time it was liberating. Demyx kissed him down along his throat, his chest, running his tongue along his nipple, making Ienzo squirm. He made his way down along him so  _ slowly _ , making him quiver and gasp, pressing his lips against Ienzo’s inner thighs, the joint where his hip met his leg, anywhere but  _ that _ spot. Ienzo moaned. “You’re not making this easy.”

“I want you to earn it.” Again almost with a purr. Ienzo felt his tongue along that opening, making him spasm, before Demyx found his clit. He gripped at the sheets and tried not to squirm. It wasn’t  _ fair _ for Demyx to be so good at this, Ienzo didn’t  _ deserve _ to feel this much-- A finger slid into him and he almost cried out loud. Too soon, Demyx pulled away. “Is that oka--”

“Don’t you dare stop.”

“Alright, alright. So demanding.” He returned to him, nipping his thighs before stroking his clit punishingly. Ienzo had never felt like this before, so out of his body yet so in it, this whole moment so surreal as he felt that beautiful tightening inside of him begin in earnest.

“Fuck,” he mumbled before he could stop himself. He thought he heard something like a laugh. “This isn’t fair.” Demyx moved a bit faster, and Ienzo was nearly at the point of no return. He wanted to fall apart, to open himself, because he’d never felt so--

Demyx moved his finger in time with his tongue, and Ienzo tried in vain to fight it for a moment before letting himself just fall.

He spasmed, all of it rocking through him so  _ gorgeously _ , nothing like any orgasm he’d had previously. Demyx sat up slowly, wiping his mouth. Ienzo struggled to catch his breath. “What can I… do?” he asked. “What do you want?”

“I… I want to be inside you.”

“Yes.” He nodded. He pulled him into a kiss, for a second caught off-guard by the fact that he tasted himself, and slid off Demyx’s underwear. Ienzo took his cock into his hand, feeling it harden further. This shouldn’t feel so right. He helped Demyx guide the tip of it inside of him and pulled him close. It slid in easily given that he’d just come, sending another shudder through him. Ienzo began to move against him and felt him shift to move in counterpoint, almost tentatively at first, but then with more force. Sweet overstimulation made him tremble, and hearing Demyx’s soft small noises threatened to push him over the edge a second time. Ienzo clung to him, kissing whatever skin he could.

“You feel so…” Demyx mumbled. “I…” He stroked Ienzo’s face. 

He felt every bit of Demyx’s cock as it slid in and out of him, steadily, then a bit more erratically. Demyx held him tighter. It felt almost like they’d done this before, that it had already happened. The tension inside Ienzo heightened until he felt he might snap, the noises he made harder to control. He should’ve felt ashamed, but didn’t.

“I-I’m going--” Demyx was shaking too.

Ienzo swore he was going to faint, his vision going gray at the edges. He pulled him still closer until they felt fused, and only a second or so later he felt Demyx finish inside of him, his own sharp pleasure making the rest of the world quiet, breaking over him in wave after wave. _How fascinating,_ he thought. Much more intense than it had ever been as Zexion.

For a moment they stayed tangled together, breathless. Demyx pressed a kiss against Ienzo’s brow. Ienzo’s skin was raw, every part of him hypersensitive. Demyx eased out of him and flopped down against Ienzo’s chest.

Ienzo’s eyes watered. “Will you stay with me?”

A soft laugh. “Considering I’m too tired to move… yes. I’ll stay. Maybe… for a while.”

Ienzo drifted closer to sleep, holding him tightly. For just a moment, it was all a little less oppressive. For a moment, he felt… worthy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Six months after the war ends, Ienzo realizes something devastating.

Something wasn't right.

Ienzo had felt dizzy all day. The dizziness wasn't  _ new _ , per se--he'd been having it on and off for a few months--and he usually attributed it to too much screentime, or not enough water or sleep, or any of the other myriad deprivations he put himself through, and especially all his stress. He felt human needs  _ so  _ much more acutely as Ienzo.

The numbers. They weren't  _ right. _

Ienzo looked through the data again. If the simulations he'd been running were correct, this  _ should _ be of use to help them understand Kairi's heart. Had he misplaced some code? He felt sweat running down his face and opened the source, digging through line after line, trying to find the mistake, if there was one, or maybe he should try running it on another OS? Would that help?

Something inside of him twitched.

It was an odd feeling. Gas? He wondered, though he did not usually have  _ those _ kinds of problems. But Dilan did so love to try questionable recipes, so perhaps--

Something twitched again. It felt odd, like being poked, something nasty like a parasite. Something… alive--

Ienzo paused, backtracking, a finger of panic running down his spine, the numbers blurring further--he considered how he'd felt the past few months--

Dizziness. Fatigue. Strange aches and pains. Fogginess. Little things that were easy to discount on their own, but--

A third twitch. He gasped aloud. His hand shot down to his stomach. He'd thought his pants had been a little tight--

No. God, no. If that were the case that meant he'd have to be--what--

Before the last battle, before Demyx disappeared somewhere beyond reach of his duly-awarded gummiphone. Some… six months. Those days had been a haze of exhaustion, of pain, of more and more time passing, Demyx  _ not coming _ _back_ despite the fact that he told Ienzo he'd stay. Ienzo should've known better than to throw himself into the arms of the first person who was willing. It was easier than ever to drown himself in his work, in his supposed redemption, but if the one person he’d felt anything for had  _ abandoned _ him, was he really worth anything?

Ienzo felt faint. Surely if he _were_ … it would be far more obvious now? There had to be something else wrong with him--

He took a sharp breath, trying to will the blackness away from the corners of his vision. It wasn't like stories of yore, he could not simply go to a pharmacy and buy a test. Radiant Garden, after the war, was not  _ quite _ up to that level of development. Even might have something that would prove it, chemically at least. But that would mean Ienzo would have to try to find a time when the man  _ wasn’t _ in his lab, which was hardly ever--he sometimes  _ slept _ there, on an old camp cot, getting a bare minimum of rest to continue his work, his supposed _atonement_.

And if Ienzo  _ were… _ and if he were that far gone… then what?

He almost  _ did _ faint then, having to catch himself on the counter. Why had he let himself do this? He’d known it was a bad idea at the time. But seeing Demyx again… the pull he’d fought so hard as Zexion had collapsed entirely. Demyx’s willingness to help changed  _ everything _ about how Ienzo had seen him. Taking him aside… feeling the warmth of his breath near Ienzo’s face… his exhaustion had caught up to him, and he just needed to feel  _ something _ other than guilt for once. The way his hands had felt on Ienzo’s body, so gentle, so understanding of his…  _ situation _ there.

But he’d disappeared only a few days later, right as the battle startled. He’d  _ left _ . And Ienzo found out that despite all he’d learned about the heart, he still did not know his own enough to avoid breaking it.

And if Ienzo really  _ was… _ ? What then? He couldn’t possibly have a--

“Ienzo? Are you quite alright?”

His head snapped up, and he forced his hand away from his abdomen. 

Even took a closer look at him. He also looked pale, washed-out, his eyes bloodshot from too many hours in front of books and screens. “You look positively peaked.”

“I’m afraid I feel a bit unwell.”

He frowned. “Then what are you still doing here? Go on, boy.”

Ienzo left, woozily. His mind was spinning, desperately trying not to think about the reality of the small twitches he’d felt. A thick, cloying anxiety almost made him sick. He needed to check. To be sure, somehow. 

Aerith on the restoration committee was a healer; she’d tended to one of Dilan’s wounds a while back that would’ve taken a long time to heal without magic. He hoped he could trust her to be…  _ discreet. _ So few people knew the reality of his gender, and he was  _ fine _ with that. Growing up as a Nobody had allowed him quite a few liberties with his appearance--their bodies were more easily influenced by the will, so he could appear more like  _ himself _ than he ordinarily would’ve, and the changes seemed to have stuck. But he couldn’t change  _ everything, _ and the only thing about  _ that _ part he didn’t care for were the periods. 

Ienzo took off his lab coat and left it in his bedroom. He tried not to catch sight of himself in the mirror, suddenly hyperfocusing on the feeling in his abdomen. Was it heavier than normal, the skin tighter?

In a haze, he left the castle gates and headed for her house.

* * *

“Oh, Ienzo! It’s good to see you in town for once.” She winked. “Did you come by for a visit?” The restoration committee--Aerith and Yuffie in particular--seemed eager to befriend him. He’d always been taken aback by their kindness, their willingness to… let things lie. His many, many mistakes. He bit his lip.

“I actually… have a favor to ask you. Of a sort.” He swallowed down the panic. “Would you be able to… prove something, for me?”

“Oh, like a medicine thing?” She cocked her head. “No problem. Come in.”

He followed her through the small apartment. Plants spilled off of almost every surface--flowers, herbs, ferns, full of color and greenery that almost hurt his eyes after the sterility of the lab. There was a small room towards the back that seemed to have been converted to a sort of clinic, with an apothecary chest, a sink, and a small, low exam table.

“Pop a squat,” she said. “What’s going on?”

Ienzo couldn’t help but clutch the rim of the table.  _ Just say it,  _ he tried to will the words past his lips, to her earnest green eyes.

She sat on the stool near him. “Take a deep breath. It’s okay.”

He tried. “I, um. I believe I may be…” He shuddered. “Pregnant?”

She appraised him for a second, but barely missed a beat. “When was the last time you had a period?”

He tried to think. “They’ve always been… irregular…” Light and short during the times he  _ did _ get them. “But at least… at  _ least _ six months.”

“Six--” Her eyebrows shot up. “How long have you been symptomatic?”

“About that long, but I… I always attributed it to other things, like… stress, or exhaustion… I know I don’t eat or sleep nearly enough…” His eyes were watering. “I never felt nauseous, I never--”

She touched his shoulder. “It’s okay.”

“I think I felt something move, inside me, this afternoon. Otherwise I’m not sure I would’ve put the pieces together--”

“Lay down. That I can figure out.”

He did so. He’d never felt quite so vulnerable, feeling her hands hovering just above his stomach, an odd warmth. Another twitch went through him, and he exhaled. Aerith’s eyes had softened. 

“You can sit up now,” she said gently.

He was trembling. He’d never cried in front of a stranger, but he felt like now might be the time. “It’s true, isn’t it.”

“Yeah. It is.” She offered a sad smile. “You’re pregnant.”

He squeezed his eyes shut. “Can’t something be--done?” he asked, through his teeth, panic making him vaguely itchy. “Couldn’t I--”

“Well.” Aerith looked awkward. “If you’d… come to me a few months ago, absolutely. But you’re… you’re at roughly six months, Ienzo, nearing third trimester. I couldn’t… get it out of you unless something was really wrong. It’s pretty unusual for the quickening to happen this late.”

“No.” He pressed his face against his hands. He thought of all his sleepless nights, the tons of caffeine, the quick and questionable things he’d been eating. “I’ve been...it must be… so sick.”

She shook her head. “It seemed pretty healthy to me. You might not be showing much, but the fetus is a good size.” 

He gasped a breath.

“I know this has to be overwhelming,” she said, taking his hand. “But… you do have some options.”

“Like what? I have to… finish this out, how is that--”

“You don’t have to raise it.”

Ienzo considered what he knew about the orphanage system--now packed with refugees of the darkness, of Radiant Garden’s own Fall. He couldn’t give a child that kind of life. What  _ could _ he do?

(What about Demyx? This baby was his as well… Was that why he had disappeared? Because of the potential? Had he somehow known before Ienzo, smelled it on him, some weird Nobody instinct they hadn't known about?)

“Is there someone you can talk to about it?” Aerith asked. “Provide some support?”

Ienzo thought of everyone at the castle. Ansem may have forgiven him, and he and Aeleus had little change about their relationship now that they were human. But telling Ansem that he was… pregnant? Disappointing him  _ again _ and so soon? What about Even? He’d be lectured endlessly for being irresponsible, and  _ god _ how would they all react if they knew who the child’s father was?

“Yes,” he said woodenly. “Yes, I… shall.”

She smiled. “I’ll send you back with some supplements,” she said. She talked to him for a few minutes about proper diet, about water and rest and  _ sleep _ , things Ienzo already knew. Then, “I want you to come back in a few weeks. Just to check in. I’ll call you, okay?”

“Yes… thanks.” He swallowed. “Thanks for your help.”

In a haze, Ienzo returned to the castle (not quite “home” yet, in his mind). He could feel the fetus--the  _ baby _ \--moving gently, as though to make up for all the lost time it hadn’t moved before. “You couldn’t have shown yourself sooner?” he murmured. He finally made it back to his bedroom, shut the door behind him, slowly, he crossed back over to the mirror, pulled up his sweater. It wasn’t quite obvious unless one knew what to look for. Even if it weren’t… he still had his power, aside from usage of the dark corridors. Covering it up would be easy. He had to, at least until he could process, at least until he could  _ plan. _ He was so young, and so  _ broken _ , to be raising a child. He’d committed so many atrocities; how could he ever be a good parent?

Maybe giving this child up would be for the best.

He took out his phone. Dialed Demyx’s number. But like his last attempts over the past few months, the call didn’t connect, there was just an odd static. Ienzo wondered if he were okay. Hoped.  _ Maybe the idiot just lost his phone, _ he thought, but it was a hollow notion.

He took a deep breath. Took two. He’d have to tell someone about this eventually. But who? And how? 

He couldn’t raise this child here. After all that Even, Dilan, and even Aeleus had put him through… This child deserved a chance at a normal life, a  _ happy _ life. He wasn’t sure he could provide that. He could barely reckon with the emotions of typical humanity, how could he reckon with fatherhood? How could he give a child what they  _ needed _ ?

He wasn’t sure he could.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth comes out, and Ienzo makes a decision.

The weeks passed too slowly and too quickly in a breath. Ienzo felt himself getting heavier, his stomach becoming more visible in the rare moments he let the illusion fall. With each day that passed, the dread increased, and every time he saw someone else’s face he thought about how he should sit them down, tell them what was going to happen. Easy to get swept up in the petty drama of day-to-day life, of the heightened stakes of the sleeping girl in the lab and how he might help Sora. Even so, he tried to eat well, to get enough sleep. He found it hard to connect himself with the baby, even though he could quite literally feel them inside of him.  _ My child _ , he thought.  _ Mine. _ No, couldn’t be. Before this he couldn’t reliably take care of  _ himself. _ He couldn’t do this.

He wondered what the situation would be like if Demyx were here.

Their liaison had only lasted a few days, it was true, but that time had changed everything. The rarity of being able to be around someone who he could let  _ see _ him had been intoxicating. Demyx was so much…  _ more _ than he’d ever thought. If he weren’t alone… he thought he might’ve been able to bear up against this.

On his own one week in the seventh month of this pregnancy, he walked past the orphanage, wondered if it would be worth going inside. He could see some children playing in the street, on the lawn, looking tired, a bit dirty. He wished he could  _ help _ them, but with the collapse of the monarchy went all power he could ever exert, and all of the resources. He should talk to Ansem about this, the restoration committee, see  _ what _ could be done--

The weeks passed much, much too quickly--Ienzo lied to Aerith, said he had talked to one of his “friends”, that he knew what he wanted to do. It was just one more thing to add to his layers and layers of guilt. He would try to go to her, when he labored. He set aside a bag of some sort, with medical supplies, clean towels if that was not feasible. Prepared a quiet room for himself if need be. Adoption was the only logical choice. He would have to do his best to improve the situation externally. He hoped the child would someday understand--he simply wasn’t  _ good _ enough for them.

One morning about eight and a half months into this whole endeavor, he woke with a sharp cramp, one that made him gasp for breath, but it passed quickly. He hoped it was just practice, but sporadically through the day he felt them coming, slowly, in waves. The pain felt like a strange kind of repentance.  _ I deserve this _ , he thought, with every little pang.  _ I deserve this. _ To not even have the nerve to  _ talk _ to anybody about this--but yet he did not want to be a burden, did not want to let them all down--

“You haven’t been yourself lately,” Even remarked that afternoon. Ienzo was feeling breathless, the baby compressing his lungs, and he was trying not to audibly pant. According to his readings, this was all normal. Someone at his phase in pregnancy should probably not be working hours as long--especially in early labor--but he didn’t know what else to do with himself other than drown in guilt and fear and self-loathing.

The contractions were getting closer together; he checked his watch. He really should get to that safe space before it all began in earnest, before he began to labor actively. “I’ve been tired,” he said flatly. “And I’ve had a lot on my mind.” The illusion was getting harder to maintain as the pain worsened, and he hoped it would not flicker.

“Like what?”

Ienzo cocked his head. “Since when do you care?”

Even seemed taken aback by this. He stammered a little. “I know much of this… hasn’t been easy, and we’ve so… little time to parse the past--I wish to…” He exhaled. “I wish to move forward, to make up for mistakes, but we…” A pause. “I’ve so much to make up to you, Ienzo.”

He felt his heart flutter. “Even, I do not wish to go into it now.”

Even took a breath. “I understand if… you do not wish to make true amends. If it were me--”

A sudden searing agony shot through him, sharper and harder than the previous contractions, and he stifled a cry, feeling the shimmer as the illusion began to break down in earnest. He felt something wet between his legs, wet and trickling, and he had to grip the counter, his other hand shooting to his stomach almost instinctively. He didn’t recover quickly enough to pass it off--when he tried to form another illusion, another pang startled him.

“Ienzo?” Then, seeing the puddle of amniotic fluid under him, the small but still  _ obvious _ swell under his lab coat, “ _ Ienzo _ ?”

“No--this isn’t--” The pain peaked, and he struggled to maintain balance. “You weren’t supposed to--”

He felt Even reach forward to prod at the bump, as though checking this weren’t some kind of prank. “You’re truly--you’re really--” Ienzo had never seen him that pale. “How long have you  _ known _ \--”

The pain eased, and Ienzo was able to regain some breath. “A few… a few months…” 

“Months?  _ Months _ ?” He sputtered. “Child, why didn’t you-- _ say _ something?” A flush rose in his cheeks. “How close together are the contractions?”

“What?” He was dizzy.

“The contractions. How close together are they? How long has this been happening?”

“Since… since early this morning… about twelve hours or so?” He felt weak. “You’re not… angry?”

“I’m  _ angry _ that you jeopardized your health so. If you’ve been in labor for twelve  _ hours _ \--you truly--why didn’t you  _ tell _ me, Ienzo?” More exasperated than anything. “I could’ve helped you handle this situation--was I supposed to wait until the child was falling down your pant leg?”

“Like you  _ handled _ Ansem, you mean?” Ienzo spat, before another contraction gripped him.

There was just stunned silence. “We should get you down to the med bay,” he said quietly. “You’re clearly starting to transition.”

Ienzo felt tears in his eyes. He let Even guide him down those long, long hallways, pausing now and again as the contractions burned through him. He helped him out of his clothes, into a robe, onto the clean bed that was used more often to treat the injuries sustained during the castle’s renovations. Even gave him an injection that helped him bear up against the pain. This settled, he was faced with the reality of his situation coming out.

And he felt… relieved. He hadn’t expected the pain to be so all-consuming, to make him so… unable to function. 

“When did you even have time to… do  _ that _ ?” Even asked. “And with  _ whom? _ Who put you in this situation? I assume you haven’t told  _ them _ either.”

“It’s not for lack of trying with him.” He swallowed. “I was… I tried to be  _ careful _ , Even, I used--”

“I don’t need to know the sordid details. I believe you.”

More tears pricked in his eyes. “I didn’t have many symptoms. It took far too long for me to put it together… and by then… it was too late to… do what I would’ve wanted originally. This human body feels so alien…” The contractions were more of a dull, ominous rumbling now, but he still had to wait until it was over to speak. “This child… Even, I can’t… I can’t raise them.”

“What do you want, Ienzo?”

Ienzo considered. He thought about the way the child had felt when it moved in him. There was a disconnect… but not a hatred. Of wanting to do better,  _ be _ better enough to love them. Perhaps if he did not hate himself so much he would consider… “It would be different if… its father were here, I think…”

“Yes… and  _ who _ is that? I should send Aeleus or Dilan to have  _ a word _ \--”

He took a deep breath. But he might as well confess totally--Even wouldn’t hurt him when he was vulnerable like this. "Demyx."

Yet more shocked silence. "But I--but-- _ why _ , Ienzo, even if you are not used to hormones--"

"I had felt… a pull towards him before," he admitted. "One I denied and denied… and when we met again, my heart was pulled into so many places that I… just got tired of fighting. But there's been radio silence. I don't even know if he's okay."

Even scowled. "Like he didn't drop you the moment it wasn't convenient for him."

"I don't think it was that. Truly. There was something in his eyes…" Then, it suddenly and stupidly occurring to him-- "Even, when Xehanort died you lost that bit of his heart. What if that happened to Demyx, and  _ that's  _ why--"

He sighed. "It took days though, Ienzo, before I truly lost my dark powers. And we know Lea can still use them. It's possible that he couldn't get to you. But not probable."

Another contraction hit him, so hard and harsh despite painkillers he cried out.

"Let me check you again," Even said. "You might be… almost there."

"I can't do this," he moaned, feeling like he might just break--not from the pain, but the guilt and loathing and fear about this child. They deserved so much better.

"You can. You have to, Ienzo. We'll get through this together."

"I can't trust you, Even." The tears were hot on his face. "You--you lied all those years--"

He pulled on gloves. "I know. I will spend the rest of my life regretting that moment. You're at ten centimeters, Ienzo. If you feel like you need to push, you can."

He felt the strangest pressure in his abdomen, like Even said, a _need._ He examined this instinct for a moment.  "Why'd you do it?"

"Because it was lie to you or fight Xehanort and become one of his subjects as well and I was  _ not _ going to have him make you into one of his tools."

Ienzo laughed. "He did that anyway." A pain pummelled him.

"Go on, Ienzo. You'll get through this."

He pushed. It was absolutely shattering, and he felt weak, trembling all over.  _ They're coming, _ he thought dazedly.

"Good, Ienzo, keep at it. Just keep going."

A minute or so later, he rode the next contraction, feeling the child pulling through him. So odd, so strange… he was dizzy, struggling to remember to breathe.

"Not much more. You're almost there. You're doing so  _ well. _ "

Ienzo sobbed. He couldn't turn back now. He had no choice but to go with it, the ripping breaking pain on each contraction, until--

"One more push should do it."

He used the rest of his strength--he felt something being tugged from him, the pain abruptly easing, a gasp that was not his own--

"A girl, Ienzo, you've got a little girl--"

And then a baby was being pressed to his breast. "Oh…" He kissed her before he could stop himself, marveling at the dark blonde hair that was definitely Demyx's. 

"The placenta, Ienzo." 

"...Right." And then it was over. The cord was trimmed down, clamped off, and Even tried to take her from him. "What are you--"

"I need to  _ measure  _ her."

"Even--" He breathed the realization. "No," he said softly.

"What?"

"I…" A deep certainty, one long felt. "I want her."

He held the squalling newborn. "Are you… sure?"

The tears ran thick and fast. "Yes." 

A long pause, his expression unreadable. "Alright, Ienzo. Alright. Let me… take her, for a moment. You rest." Even disappeared to the corner of the room. Ienzo sagged against the mattress, exhausted, the reality of his postpartum body weighing heavily.  _ I've given birth,  _ he thought.  _ I had a baby.  _ A baby he suddenly--irrationally--craved with his whole being. 

Even brought her back to him, wrapped in a towel. "Three point six kilos," he said. "Seems perfectly healthy." He eased her into his arms. "Ienzo--"

"I know."

"Are you sure about this?"

He exhaled and looked at his baby. "What am I to do," he said. " _ Look _ at her, I can't--"

Even sighed. Smiled. "Quite." He leaned over to squeeze his shoulder. "There's nothing--ready for her. I wish you’d have told me--”

“I did too,” he said softly. “I had myself convinced I could do this on my own, that I could… give her up, I don’t know why…” He trailed off. “I’m so used to being on my own.”

“But you aren’t,” Even said. “Regardless of what happens. I won’t let you down again.”

Ienzo grasped one of his daughter’s tiny fists. He’d made this, this living  _ thing _ . She smacked her lips a little bit. He felt more tears on his face. 

“We’ll get through this,” Even repeated.

* * *

Ienzo could not look away from the baby. She’d slept most of the afternoon, and Even insisted he did too. He was feeling more pain now, sharp aches in his hips and uterus. Even was able to find some cloth diapers, brought some small blankets.

“We’re going to have to tell the others something,” Even said to him. “Especially if you… want to keep her.”

“Is it very impractical of me?” Ienzo murmured.

He chuckled a little. “Impractical, of course. But you take after your father in that regard. Bringing an orphaned child here out of the blue. We managed with you. We’ll manage with her.”

“I can never be good enough, all I’ve done--”

“You hush. Perhaps… in a roundabout way this is how you prove yourself. Helping build a better world she can grow up in.”

“Yes… that is… apt.”

Even took her gently from him. “You need rest.”

“Alright. I’ll try.”

He slept heavily and deeply until he heard her cry, jolting him to awareness, his breasts aching. He touched one, wincing. “Milk must’ve come in,” he muttered. 

Even was half draped across the other bed, also asleep, his daughter--Ienzo’s daughter--squalling in the makeshift bassinet. He climbed out of bed and took a few hobbling steps towards her. 

“We’ll learn to do this together, I suppose,” he said to her. He crossed back over to the bed and pulled aside one half of the top of his robe. The baby seemed to struggle for a moment before she was able to latch on, and Ienzo shuddered a little at the odd sensation. “It’s you and me now.” He ran his hand along her small warm skull. Her hair seemed to have a little curl--had she gotten that from Demyx? 

It seemed to be hitting him harder now. He was a  _ father _ . This was his  _ child. _ It gave him the strangest feeling of warmth. 

“I’ll do better,” Ienzo said softly. He burped her and set her back down. “I just need some rest.”

He was strong enough the next morning to bathe, to eat and limp weakly around the room. The baby slept and slept and slept, which Even assured him was normal for a newborn. “Birth is rather traumatic, putting it lightly,” he said. He paused, brushing his finger across the baby’s cheek. “Ansem has been asking about our whereabouts.”

A pang of anxiety skittered down his spine. “I’m sure he has--it’s unusual we’re gone this long--”

His eyes softened. “Would you be willing to tell him now?”

He exhaled. 

“He has to find out eventually. Time will make it harder,” Even said. “You might be able to hide a pregnancy with your magic, Ienzo, but I doubt even you can hide a child for long.”

He took a sharp breath. “Alright.”

Even squeezed his shoulder and called him. Ienzo’s heart beat thickly the whole time they waited for him. All the while the child slept, snuffling and gurgling now and again. After what seemed like ages, the door opened. “Is everything alright,” Ansem asked hoarsely. “When you said Ienzo was down here I--” His eyes fell onto the child. His expression became hard to read. There was a long moment of just silence. Ansem came closer to them, puzzled. “Is this a child you… found?” 

Ienzo admitted it to his jacket pocket. “No.”

He opened his mouth. Closed it. “But you didn’t…  _ look _ …”

“An illusion.” He felt yet more tears rushing into his eyes, cursing his hormones. “I… only found out about three months ago, and then… I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone. It’s so… shameful to have gotten myself in that situation. I knew you’d be disappointed in me--after all I put you through--”

Ansem came closer to him. There was something foggy and far away in his eyes, nostalgic, almost. He brushed his hand along the baby’s head. “How could I be disappointed in a face like that?” he asked softly. “You could’ve said something sooner, Ienzo.”

“I told him the very same,” Even said, with a huff.

“Given me time to come to terms with the fact that I am a grandfather. May I?” He held out his arms.

Ienzo blinked. Not at all what he’d been expecting. “You want to… hold her?”

“Of course I do.” He smiled. 

“You’re not mad?”

He took the child gently. “Why would I be mad?”

“This is one more mistake in a very long series.” He bit his lip. “I was careful, and then I didn’t even know--”

“Perhaps she was meant to be,” Ansem said. “She was waiting for you.”

“Why me, of all the people?”

“Give you something you needed,” he said. “A chance to live instead of survive. You’re more than your work, Ienzo.”

“But I’ve done so many awful things--what could I have to give her? Possibly?”

“Your willingness to change,” Ansem said. “To do good--to be selfless.”

“I don’t feel very selfless,” he admitted. “I couldn’t even find the nerve to tell anyone about her until--yesterday."

"And you only did that, I suspect, because your cover had been blown," Even said, with a sniff. "Do you know how badly it could've gone if you tried to deliver her yourself?"

Ansem went pale, hearing this. “What were you afraid of? Judgement?”

It became clear. “I was afraid you’d all convince me I could do this. I was afraid you…  _ wouldn’t _ be angry.”

“Why?” Even asked.

He dropped his eyes. “Because I wanted to, deep down. I don’t… I took this very same thing from so many people. How does that make me worthy to raise a child?”

“But you love her?” Ansem asked.

He swallowed, feeling a lump in his throat. “Yes.”

“Love and a willingness to do better… is all one needs to begin. Yes?”

A thick, sticky relief washed through him, and the tears broke free. “Okay.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ienzo tries to raise the child on his own, but his hope for Demyx's return won't quite die.

Dilan and Aeleus visited him and the baby later in the day, when their rounds permitted. “What a secret to keep,” Dilan muttered, shaking his head. The newborn, in his arms, looked even smaller than she actually was. “ _ Really _ , Ienzo. Are you so terrified of inconveniencing anyone?”

He swallowed. Only Even knew of her true parentage, and Ansem and Aeleus had been too tactful to ask.

“Never thought  _ you _ would become a parent first,” Dilan murmured. “Yes. Where  _ is _ the creature that put you in this situation? I should pay them  _ a visit. _ ”

Ienzo swallowed. “I’m not sure,” he said honestly. “But it… It wasn’t his fault, Dilan. Blame… faulty contraception.”

“Who was it? You’ve hardly left the castle in all this time--and this must’ve happened during--” His eyes went flat. “Ienzo.”

“Dilan.”

“Really?  _ Demyx _ ? You couldn’t find yourself some village boy if you were that desperate?”

He scowled. “It wasn’t like that. He’s different than you remember, Dilan, there was more  _ life _ in his eyes--”

“His  _ gold _ eyes. And yet he still left you, and in this situation.”

Ienzo swallowed. “I didn’t know until six months out. If he truly  _ left _ \--that wasn’t the reason why.”

“And you haven’t been able to reach him?”

“...No.”

Dilan looked at Ienzo’s (still unnamed) daughter. “You love him,” he said simply. 

He took a breath. “I do. Yes. I know it… makes no sense. But I’m so tired of fighting how I feel, Dilan. I know there’s no point hoping he’ll come back.”

“...He may never know about her.”

Ienzo felt a stab of pain. “Maybe not.”

A sigh. “Torrid drama, is it not?”

* * *

Ienzo found himself more scattered than ever before. His daughter needed a name. Dilan’s words haunted him, and Ienzo realized that he  _ had _ been hoping for him to return somehow, miraculously.

_ Did I really mean so little to him _ ? Had this just been a fling on Demyx’s part? Something to pass the time? Did Ienzo truly understand him at all? Had he been wrong?

He devoted himself to study of a different kind, parenting books, books of baby names. Nothing seemed to fit quite right for a long while, until he happened to find a damaged photo of his mother while cleaning out a drawer for her clothes.  _ Cara. _

While he did have help from everyone else, Ienzo still felt very much… alone, other than his daughter. Mentally, he found it almost impossible to focus on work, even when he brought the baby with him. Mostly he felt very… tired, and constantly stressed that he wasn’t  _ good _ enough for Cara. 

About three weeks after her birth, he was giving her one of her night feedings. She had a little bit more awareness now, was able to keep her eyes open for periods of time, though they were still unfocused. She looked up at him hazily from her place at his breast. Ienzo looked out the window, rocking slightly in the rocking chair that had been dragged in. He found himself trying not to fall asleep, silvery moonlight dancing along the wall.

A loud  _ crash _ in the hallway startled both of them, Cara losing her grip and starting to cry. Ienzo shushed her, a thick fear coming over him. Heartless were much rarer these days, but they weren’t  _ gone _ . He reached for a spell and crept towards the door. “It’s okay, love,” he whispered to her. “I’ve got you.”

Slowly, Ienzo opened the door. There were sconces in the hallway, but the light was dim, and he squinted in the gloom. He held magic in one hand, ready to throw the spell, only to hear a voice, one that made his heart  _ stop _ \-- “Wait, wait, please don’t--Zo?”

He exhaled heavily. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was gone--” He stumbled. He sounded dazed.

“Demyx?”

He came into the light. He was worse for the wear, his hair lank, his face gaunt. His eyes were teal, not gold. Ienzo’s breath caught. Perhaps at his reaction, or his tight grip, Cara started to cry. “What’s that you’ve got?”

More footsteps, and then Ienzo saw  _ Riku _ , of all people. “He ran ahead of me,” the boy said, panting. “We were looking for Sora and I found him--he asked for you.”

Ienzo could not move. Cara was still crying quietly, so he loosened his grip.

Demyx squinted. He was wobbling a little, his skin sallow. “Is that a… baby? Why do you have a--” He collapsed into a crumpled heap. 

Riku crouched down next to him, and gently, Ienzo did too. “Thanks for bringing him,” Ienzo said numbly. His heart was pounding; with his free hand, he reached to take Demyx’s pulse; it was erratic.

“Of course,” the boy said. “He’s… a character, but he helped us. And I’d figured I’d get a status update on Kairi while I was here.”

“I should call Even. He looks very unwell.” He took out his phone, his hand shaking.

He nodded. Then, “...So… what’s the story about that?” Gesturing towards the baby.

Ienzo hesitated.

Riku raised a hand. “Right. None of my business.”

He swallowed. “She’s… mine. Actually…  _ ours. _ ” Pressing his fingers against Demyx’s forehead. The other man had a fever, his skin flushed, sweaty.

His eyebrows shot up. “ _ Oh. _ ”

“It has been an unexpected situation,” he mumbled. “Putting it lightly.”

“I bet. Well… uh… congratulations, I guess.”

Ienzo sighed. “Thanks. Can you help me with him? Please?”

* * *

Demyx was thankfully easy to stabilize, though he wasn’t in good shape. It seemed as though he’d been living rough for quite some time; he seemed much smaller and thinner than Ienzo recalled. Ienzo saw the veins in his skin, faint splotches and scratches of bruises. With a jolt, he realized that the bed they’d placed him in was the one where he’d given birth--though it weren’t as though there were many options.

The relief was almost as strong as the nerves.  _ He came back. He really came back.  _ The heavy sense of loss and loneliness had eased. But how to explain Cara? “I haven’t seen you in months, here’s our daughter?” He couldn’t help but feel a bit smug when Dilan stuck his head in. 

“Seems to be human,” Even said softly. His lip curled. “He must’ve really wanted to see you, to beg for you in such a state. Does that make you  _ happy, _ Ienzo?”

He scowled, but then, “At least he can meet our daughter.” Cara was awake and blinking stiffly.

Even sighed. “Barring unforeseen complications, he should recover. Fever, malnutrition, and he was also anemic, which explains the collapse. I just--” He put a hand to his brow.

“What?”

“I suppose there really was some change,” he said softly. “He clawed his way back to you. Who’d have thought.” A groan. “I suppose things will get interesting now. Let’s see how he reacts.” He patted Ienzo’s shoulder. “Shout if you need me.”

It seemed to take eons for Demyx to come around; Ienzo was actually in the middle of feeding her when he heard him stir. Demyx gasped a little. “Zo,” he said, struggling to sit up. “Zo, I’m so--”

He turned back to him from the window. 

Demyx squinted. “Is that… are you… I thought I dreamt the baby…”

“Not quite.” He sat down in the chair next to the bed. 

He took a quick, almost pained breath. “Is it--”

“She’s ours.”

He blinked quickly, his eyes watering. “Oh,” he said. “Oh. I… I’m sorry, I tried to… I’ve been trying to get back for  _ months _ , but I lost that power, and…” He was trembling. “I only ran because I didn’t want him to find me and hurt you if he knew we--”

His lips twitched in a hesitant smile. “What happened to the phone?”

He exhaled, unable to take his eyes off the baby. “Busted,” he said. “My power flared all weird when I lost the piece of his heart. Completely fried the circuits. I looked for months for a way to get back--I ended up seeing Riku almost by accident. And I knew that was my only chance.”

Ienzo hesitated. “I don’t know what I thought,” he said. “What happened between us was so  _ new _ \--”

He made an odd noise. “I’m a lot of things, but if I wanted out I would’ve at least texted you. No.” The tears ran over. “I felt like I finally had something to hold on to--to fight for--and then…” He reached out to touch Ienzo, his face. “I’m sorry.”

“You came back. That’s what matters.”

“She’s really mine?”

Ienzo nodded. “I didn’t even know until six months into the pregnancy. Almost no symptoms.”

He gasped out a sob. “Could I--”

Ienzo helped him sit up and eased Cara into his arms. 

“I can’t believe I missed you,” he said to her. “I’m so sorry.”

“You came back.”

“You were alone with her.”

“Not really. Not quite.” He sighed. “Though explaining it to the others was… well. I went into labor before I could manage it. Quite dramatic.”

Demyx laughed through tears. “I want to be better,” he said. “I want to… help you, Ienzo.”

He leaned forward to kiss him. It tasted like salt and potential. 

“Give me a chance to make it up to you,” he said. “I don’t care if the others hate me--I can’t believe--” He hugged Cara gently. “I’m a  _ dad _ .”

“We both are.”

“I’m not alone anymore.”

Ienzo realized he must’ve been for months, however long it took him to find his way back, dealing with new humanity on his own, only clinging to the hope of seeing Ienzo again. “No. We aren’t.”   


* * *

Once he’d gotten medicine and a few square meals, Demyx seemed more like himself. Humanity had softened something in his eyes--so had fatherhood. He  _ adored _ Cara, and for the first few days would barely let anyone else touch her. Ienzo would catch him at odd moments singing softly to her, or just talking, like she was much older than just three weeks. 

Ienzo was relieved. Having someone to share the moments with--and the night feedings--made him approach parenthood with less dread, less fear. 

“He found out about her and he  _ stayed _ ,” Dilan said softly. He and Ienzo watched Demyx feeding Cara in her new nursery. “I’d thought--well, hoped, really--to put the fear of god in him.”

Aeleus and Ansem had looked for a crib and other extra furniture in the castle, and had luckily find things still serviceable. All of these things ended up in one of the apartments in the castle, so Ienzo could live near her. ...And so could Demyx. Even hadn’t exactly been happy about that. 

“Child, that’s part of how you got in this situation in the first place,” he’d hissed. 

“He deserves to be near her too,” Ienzo said levelly. It wasn’t like he could have sex at the moment anyway, at least not for another few weeks; they were both too exhausted to be in that mood anyway. “He’s been nothing but good with her since he arrived.”

“I’m shocked, honestly,” Even said. “So wishy-washy, that one.”

“He’s always been alone,” Ienzo admitted. “He’s always wanted friends, family,  _ someone… _ and it never worked out. It’s changing him. She’s changing him.”

“She’s changing you too,” Even said, squeezing his shoulder gently. “You deserve happiness, Ienzo. You deserve to pursue something for yourself.”

“Do I?” he asked softly.

“After twelve years of servitude to  _ that _ awful creature? I should say so.”

“And of our mistakes?”

“Worthy of redemption,” Even said. 

“I still must work to make a better world,” he murmured. “To-- _ help _ \--I want to be good for her so badly.”

“And so you shall.”

* * *

As the weeks passed, and Cara grew, so did their relationship… their  _ family _ . Seeing how well Demyx took care of their daughter, Even begrudgingly began to accept their love for what it was. 

Demyx  _ was _ a good father. He knew how to soothe her moods (because, it seemed, she had inherited Ienzo’s temper), how to get her to sleep, how to make her smile and laugh. There was a light and life in his eyes that Ienzo had never seen before; a maturity, too. It only increased the pull between them. He’d never seen Demyx work  _ hard _ at something before. Ienzo was able to go back to helping investigate Kairi’s heart, to helping make the world  _ better. _ But both Cara and Demyx were always at the forefront of his mind. He didn’t think it was possible to love so much, and so hard.

“The only thing I wish is that I could’ve been here with you,” Demyx said, one evening after they’d gotten Cara to sleep. “I wish I’d never left.”

“I wish that too,” Ienzo admitted, brushing his finger along Demyx’s cheek. “Demyx, if you’d have told me of your concerns… we could have figured it out. We could’ve  _ protected _ you.”

“I’d done enough of hiding behind people, and making people work for me,” he’d said. “The minute Vexen asked me to help him… I don’t know. It… showed me there was a different way. I was  _ needed _ . It felt good.” He laughed a little. “Honestly… I thought if I worked hard… it would make me look better for you.”

“It did,” Ienzo admitted. “Knowing you wanted to help changed everything.”

Demyx kissed him softly. “ _ You _ changed everything. At least for me. And then she did.” He glanced over his shoulder towards the cracked door that was their daughter’s nursery. “I know I can be more.”

“We both can,” Ienzo said. “I used to think I was a monster. But now… not so much.”

“Our life is ours now,” Demyx said. “Finally.”

“Finally.” Ienzo kissed him again, for a longer time. “I… look forward to it very much.”

* * *

It took Ienzo time to genuinely fall in love with Cara. He loved her; he would do anything for her. But in the beginning, before Demyx, she had been a source of stress. It  _ was _ still stressful now, but seeing her learn and grow, and having a family to do it with, made it  _ so _ much easier. He felt affection towards her more easily, especially when he nursed; it became less of a chore to do so. Ienzo found himself telling her stories, letting his power build the world around them, fairy tales, the stories of the good parts of his early life. The more awareness she gained, the more he loved it. 

Ansem and the others were unexpectedly good sports about it; Even especially. He would stomp and pretend to huff in annoyance if Ienzo asked him to watch her for a few minutes, but Aeleus told him that often Even would ask to take her from him if the man was babysitting. Once, Demyx caught him cooing over her when he thought nobody was looking, and showed Ienzo a covert video he’d taken of Even singing Cara a lullaby.

For the first time since he’d been human… Ienzo thought he might be happy. He still had so much to do and so much to make up for. But the days lost the awful, dreading quality they’d had; he found he was able to work better, smarter. 

“I’m glad,” Demyx said softly. “I know it was a…  _ surprise _ , but I… I don’t think I could imagine life without her.” Cara looked up at him hazily.

““Surprise” is putting it lightly,” Ienzo said, chuckling a little. “She really didn’t let me know she was there. But I… know what you mean.”

Demyx met his eyes. “I couldn’t imagine it without you either,” he said. “If not for you… I don’t know. Where would I be?  _ What _ would I be? Icky.”

Ienzo touched his throat. If not for the Riku replica, he'd still be Zexion… which… "I know what you mean." Cara curled a tiny fist around his finger. "What do you want, Demyx?"

"To take care of both of you. To make music."

"That will satisfy you?"

"I wanted not to be alone, and I'm not," he said. "What about you?"

It crashed over Ienzo, and his eyes watered. He thought of forgiving and being forgiven by his family, but… without rebuilding those bonds forgiveness was a selfish act. "I wanted that too."

Demyx leaned over to kiss him. "Us against the world."

He smiled. "Indeed it is."

"I can't wait to teach her everything. And--god. No shortage of grandpas, huh?"

"I think Dilan would kill you if he heard that." He chuckled. "But yes… there's so much to teach her. Her generation is the first to… be free of that mess. To be  _ normal. _ " A tear broke free. Demyx brushed it away. "I have to make it worth it." He kissed her, and she snuffled. "I have to."

"We will." His eyes grew sharp, serious, and Ienzo felt a rush of love. "I won't leave you again."

"That so?"

He pressed his forehead against Ienzo. "I promise."

* * *

Demyx kept that promise.

Cara grew older, started toddling around, babbling. She looked more like Demyx, to Ienzo's pleasure, but seemed to be more like him in countenance. The weeks, months,  _ years _ seemed to pass quickly. Sora returned… Ienzo turned his efforts towards helping the restoration committee and raising his daughter. 

Demyx stayed. Their relationship took root, gave him a sense of  _ someday, _ of waking up next to each other and thinking they might do this always, of… perhaps having a child on purpose. But those were thoughts for later. 

"I suppose I should thank you," he murmured to the child in his arms after she had so hesitantly fallen asleep. "You made me see." He didn't think he could love at all in the beginning, much less so selflessly. He set her down gently in her crib and thought about the future.


End file.
